So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
