you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize