I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
