there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
