Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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