apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
