Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
