u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
