Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
