There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
