You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
