The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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