You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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