You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
