I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
