New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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