what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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