It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They have beer where we have blood.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
