I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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