I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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