Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
