Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
