I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
