4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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