Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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