you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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