Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
