Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize