Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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