drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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