I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
