He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
