just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
