By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
