GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
