its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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