fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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