So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
