So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
