this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
