Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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