Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
