Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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