I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
