Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Even my vagina gasped.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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