My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize