We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
