Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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