i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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