we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
