Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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