last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just high enough for therapy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
