so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
