No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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