Do you still have your period?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
