I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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