ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
