It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
