Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
