Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
