Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
