I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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