can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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