i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
