there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
