Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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