I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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