So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
