I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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