either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
