Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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