i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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