Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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