I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
